i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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