I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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