"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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