Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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