my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
