We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
