she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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