I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
