dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
