the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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