She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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