as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
