You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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