i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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