some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
