So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
