Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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