HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
