She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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