If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
