Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
