She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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