Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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