Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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