I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
