don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
