if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Farmville is her only friend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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