You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
