i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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