Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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