eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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