pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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