He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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