i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
