He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
