I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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