Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
