i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
