The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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