I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
