spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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