so that wasnt chicken after all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
