i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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