I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
