worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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