is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize