Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
