I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
