dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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