Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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