Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
