I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
