Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
