Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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