And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
