Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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