I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
