The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
