FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
