Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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