You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
