I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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