I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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