I have demons in me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
