the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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