dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So here I am, sexting at work.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
