There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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