And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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