I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
