So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
