Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Couch. On fire.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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